Today I want to share a very special story with all of you. It is about how I got out of being in a ‘dream’ and started living a life.
Many of you may be wondering why in the world am I not living a dream but a life? There is only one reason: because a life is a million times better than a dream, no matter how beautiful and perfect that dream is. Oh, the irony.
I did not understand this simple logic, until recently just last year in October 2013.
Around in January 2013, I met my to-be first boyfriend through online gaming. We got along very well with one another in the game, and we decided to meet in person. As a cautious person myself, I requested for us to meet in a public place where many people were around. I had to say… I was surprised. He looked charming, he is of the perfect build, tall, had a beautiful smile; and instantly, he took my heart. We chatted over a cup of coffee at Starbucks and the moment was amazing. We talked about our interests; and getting deeper into the conversation, I was mesmerized over his air of charm. The deciding factor that made me fall so deep into my first love was that he is also a Christian, the same religion as I am. He was perfect in my eyes. Flawless. He is well-to-do, friendly, and even though he is a man of few words, he was kind and so nice.
That was when everything was perfect.
However, believe it or not, I felt a little held back to move this relationship further. I had a feeling God was telling me that he wasn’t the right one for me. Being the lovestruck and hopeless woman I already am, I pressed on to make this relationship work. I wanted it. It was a dream come true.
On 18 May 2013, we eventually got together. It was such a bliss. We had our first kiss on that very day. Love was definitely in the air. The sparks were flying and sweetness overflowed. My family welcomes and loves him. We were in love. The love was strong for the first few weeks, until we began to have several conflicts along the way. We were probably immature then and because it was our first relationship, we had little knowledge on handling such problems. We quarreled often, and the love vanished. I admit it was partly because of my family background. I was born to a family that has many dark secrets of its own, and it ate away most of my life. I chose family over him. I became stressed, depressed and very lost because I was on the brink of breakdown. It was a very tough period of time in my life.
However, it was also the period of time when I realized that when I needed him most, he wasn’t with me. Even though I pushed him away and kept my family matters mum from him, deep inside I wished he bothered to ask about how I was doing. I was very selfish by lying to him multiple times, and was insensitive to his feelings, but I had hoped he cared a little and asked me why I was acting so strange. I had hoped that he would figure it out. I had hoped, that maybe we would still have a chance. If only he was able to just wait… if only he was able to trust me and wait for me to give this whole family shit a closure. All I ever wanted, was for us to understand and trust each other more. But it was all lost. I knew then that he wasn’t the right one for me.
I broke up with him later around late August, and it was the most heartbreaking thing that ever happened to me. He was my first love, my first kiss, the first one I ever shared a dream with. I cried. So much that my eyes were red and swollen. So much that I unknowingly fell asleep after hours of crying. It may seem exaggerating to be overreacting like this, but to me, it was a sharp stab to my heart. He was my everything. My perfect love. The man who fulfilled all of what I want in a boyfriend. This was just not meant to be. What I needed, was a life.
After a few weeks, I started to think back to my past relationship. Feeling lonely and lost, I said a prayer: Dear Lord, I am sorry for not abiding by your word. I now know and understand that it is not in your will for us to have a lasting relationship. Then, Lord, if he is not the one for me, please, if it is in your will, choose the man you approve of. Amen.
It was a short prayer.
Never did I expect that this prayer will be answered by God. A few days later, I met a man whom I least expected would be my future boyfriend. He was annoying, always teasing people, fairly but acceptably disgusting and had a very low Emotional Intelligence (EQ); though amazingly he has a knack for looking into the depth of the human mind and perceiving how other people think and feel. He was able to put himself into other people’s shoes. Pretty amazing huh?
Not sidetracking, we started to know each other more because we attended the same class for a module in school. We clicked well and honestly, he did charm me a little. But I wasn’t ready for a new relationship. Not until I settled my family problems and got over my ex. He confessed to me in the cutest way ever and I was a little affected by it. I was afraid to move on. I wanted to stay in my little box forever. I told him, and surprisingly he said that he will wait for me no matter how long it takes. A battle took place in my heart. I simply wasn’t ready. I needed time, and he gave me time. It felt heartwarming. He wasn’t my ideal man, because he had some flaws here and there; but for some reason, I felt secure and relieved.
After a month of more ‘getting to know you’ small talks, little prayers with God, and thinking through over and over, I decided to take a step out and accept him. I let him into my ‘little box (my world)’ little by little and he began to court me every single day. On 11 November 2013, I told him I liked him too, and he gave me the sweetest smile ever. Two days later, we shared our first kiss, and that marked the day we got together.
It has been six months since that day.
He was annoying as always, but he is also the sweetest and kindest and most mature man I have ever met. He is understanding and we shared a very strong bond of trust. We each had our own circle of friends, and respected each other’s privacy. Sometimes I would get troubled by his habit of always deciding things on his own and would be upset about it, but he would always pester me about it and made me tell him what I was unhappy about. Then, he would apologize and try to make me all happy, though he ended up doing stupid yet cute stuff that got me cracking up. He would also be upset because I was immature and inconsiderate to certain events. But by taking a leaf from him, I learnt to be patient and understanding. Though I knew a relationship should be honest and true, he made me realize the importance of these two qualities in a relationship and even enhanced it by enforcing them into our relationship.
About two months into the relationship, I was curious about his life before he met me. So I asked him: What was it like before I came into your life? He replied: Life had no meaning. I lost my direction. I had no motivation. In the end, I prayed to God for something or someone to change my life. A few days later, I met you.
I was definitely 100% not expecting that. Linking the pieces together… it felt as if God had planned everything. God showed me the way to my current boyfriend through my prayer, and He showed him the way to me through his. It was indescribable yet it was a miracle. It was as if God blessed our relationship because He was the one leading us along the way. He helped us and loved us. Because God loved us first, we love. Also deciphering it, my current boyfriend was also surprised at the turn of events. We agreed that we have to cherish and treasure each other, because we had a special bond, and God was in the middle our relationship, always guiding us.
I had to say… it was really magical. These six months was incredible, we had mutual respect and trust for each other, we loved each other; and understood one another, even without any of us hinting or prompting anything of the sort. Till the end of time, I am sure we will still love each other as much as we do now.
And this is the story of my love that I felt was a love blessed by God.
What do you guys think about my special encounter? Feel free to comment and share🙂
P.S.: If you guys haven’t seen my quote about my experience with my ex and my current boyfriend, feel free to read it at https://xclishmaclaver.wordpress.com/2014/05/14/never-look-for/ ! Till then!